Game 1 - Vikes at Cleveland

Game 1 of the 2009 Vikings Campaign is officially in the books, and the Vikes come away with a "W". Reading a few other Vikings blogs, it didn't sound like anyone was really nervous about this game; Cleveland had a pretty poor rushing defense and a downright awful offense to close out the season last year. Despite some upgrades to their defensive line and a new head coach, the game went pretty much as expected.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Take 2

Alright, I'd been putting off making a review of this movie, but I guess I can't run from it forever. I think the biggest thing for me was the disappointment. Like I said before, any movie that is part of a trilogy, particularly a classic trilogy like Indiana Jones, you're going to have certain expectations. Going in, my expectations were that in order for everyone to sign off on this project, you'd need a pretty solid idea for a movie, something to really close out the series. Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg, I mean, these guys wouldn't agree to make a movie that would tarnish the image of the first three, right? Haha... wrong.

Julie (the aforementioned Scott's girlfriend) said it best when she said that George Lucas lost his mind. I won't go into too much detail for those readers who haven't seen it, but man, he really went off the deep end. In a conversation I had with her, we decided that George Lucas can make pretty solid trilogies. The problem lies in the years after the trilogies comes out, when he's sitting counting his money, and all of a sudden it comes to him: with such a huge fan base, it doesn't matter what he does to the franchises, it'll still attract viewers! For shame.

I've heard a lot of complaints about the computer graphics in this one. I'd say the biggest thing with this is that a large portion of the movie is clearly shot in front of a green screen, giving it an almost Sin City/300 type atmosphere. There is also a large number of computer generated animals, including gophers and monkeys. My favorite story to come out of this movie is that when the movie opens to a shot of a CG gopher, someone in one theater shouted "Goddamn you George Lucas!!" While I'll admit this movie has a ridiculous amount of CG in it, this is the 21st century, and it's becoming the norm. King Kong, The Return of the King, Transformers, and The Incredible Hulk all rely on CG to bring the story to life. And please.... there are bigger problems with this movie.

I.E. Shia Labeouf's character. The Fonz? Really? I get that it's the 50's, but that was ridiculous. To ruin the suspense, it turns out that he is Indy's son. This shouldn't come as a huge surprise, as he talks about Indy knowing his mother like the second scene that they're in together. They even showed Marion (as reprised by Karen Allen) in the movie trailer! There are other subtler hints as well, including that both Indy and "Mutt" are named after dogs. Both Shia Labeouf's character and Marion are useless, added for nostalgic purposes. Personally, I think the film would've been better without them, although Lucas would've had to find a new way to convey the importance of staying in school.

On the subject of characters, what was with the Russians? First of all, Cate Blanchett, what are you doing in this movie? I didn't buy your performance for a second. Second, I completely understand Scott's argument. When Indy was fighting the Nazis, it made sense, because the Nazis actually had party members looking into the supernatural. Nothing happened like that with the KGB. George Lucas just made it up.

That's the great thing about movies though, you can take certain creative licenses. Like when you want your main character to survive a nuclear blast by flying through the air in a refrigerator, you just need an establishing shot of the label showing that the refrigerator is made out of lead. There! Totally reasonable now!

Believability is the one thing that killed this movie for me. I mean, the nuclear blast was one thing, but when you actually watch this movie, (which I wouldn't recommend doing if you have to pay for it) lots of important plot events are really far fetched. Indiana Jones is meant to be kind of campy, especially in The Last Crusade, but this just took it a little too far. Had it not been an Indiana Jones movie, I might've enjoyed it a little more. But, like I said, I think the biggest thing for me was the disappointment.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

So I haven't seen Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull yet... and quite frankly, I'm surprised. With all the hype that sequels and big blockbuster movies get these days, with midnight releases and crazy long line-ups, you'd think that the sequel to a George Lucas movie as big as Indiana Jones would be pumped up like crazy. Not to mention that it's been almost twenty years since the last one.

In the week since its come out, I've heard mixed reviews from friends. I don't even bother checking the paper anymore, its a joke. I've heard from Kyle that his parents enjoyed it, but he warned that his parents are easily impressed and don't make it out to the theatre very often. Belle said it was excellent, but she could be biased by her fondness for Shia LaBeouf.

The most interesting review I heard was from my brother Scott, who went to see it with his girlfriend. In his words, the acting was all excellent, particularly Harrison Ford. They tried to get him to act more like Sean Connery (his father in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade), which I think is a solid idea. Shia LaBeouf also holds his own, although Scott said it seemed like he had a hard part trying to fit the era. I've also been told the Russians were an interesting choice, but he wouldn't elaborate.

In other news, I convinced a friend of mine that Speed Racer has the potential to be a sweet movie, and he actually went and saw it. And it sounded like it wasn't half bad either. The Wachowski Siblings don't mess around.

Top 5 Movies with Best Writing

For the first movies style post, I'm going to start with the Top 5* movies with the smartest writing. Criteria is based heavily on dialogue, as well as order of scenes and ability to connect/set up/foreshadow/play off various scenes. Points also go to allusion and symbolism.

1) Lucky Number Slevin (2006)

Bruce Willis, Josh Hartnett, Lucy Liu, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley, Stanley Tucci

Directed by Paul McGuigan, whose only notable movies are Wicker Park, also starring Josh Hartnett, and The Reckoning, starring Paul Bettany (of A Knight's Tale, Wimbledon fame) and Willem Dafoe. Haven't heard anything about Wicker Park, but it looked reasonably entertaining, and I was really psyched about The Reckoning coming out, but it had a very limited release and have yet to see it.

Lucky Number Slevin is a ridiculously well written movie, with a really fast pace and the dialogue between the characters is A++. The chemistry between the characters has a lot to do with it, but I've seen enough disappointing Josh Hartnett/Lucy Liu/Bruce Willis movies to know that it takes more than just working well together. The writing is so sharp that the actors can even get away with crazy obscure lines.

Lindsey: What are you going to tell him?
Slevin: I'm gonna say the same thing any man with two penises says when his tailor asks him if he dresses to the right or left.
Lindsey: What?
[cuts to Boss's penthouse]
Slevin: Yes.

2) Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer, Michelle Moynaghan

Written by Shane Black, same writer as any of the Lethal Weapon movies, Long Kiss Goodnight, and Last Boy Scout. This also marks his directorial debut. Not a huge release, but well received by pretty much everyone.

Like Lucky Number Slevin before it, it's a film noir. Something about this type of genre brings out the best writing. Admittedly, they have to work harder than in romantic comedies. The dialogue in this movie also feeds off the chemistry of the main characters, but it's ability to set up scenes is what really sets this one apart. The narration by Robert Downey Jr. is fantastic, particularly in the scenes where he explicitly says, "this is why this scene is in the movie."

Harry: And that's how she got to the same party as me. Oh shit. I skipped something. Damn it. This whole robot bit. I made a big deal, then I like totally forgot. Fuck, this is bad narrating. Like my dad telling a joke. "Oh, wait back up. I forgot to tell you the cowboy rode a blue horse." Fuck. Anyway, I don't know if you want to see it now, but here's the fucking robot stuff for your viewing pleasure. Can I say "fuck" more?

3) Usual Suspects (1995)

Kevin Spacey, Kevin Pollak, Gabriel Byrne, Benicio Del Toro

Directed by Bryan Singer, whose epitaph will probably read, "Here lies Bryan Singer, who should've quit making super hero movies after leaving the X-men trilogy to do Superman." Yeah, that sounds about right.

Older than the first two, but extremely well done. The dialogue doesn't have the same fast pace as the first two, but honestly, I don't know how you could leave this movie out of this conversation. The writing is fantastic, and the end is a huge surprise to anyone who hasn't seen it. Like jaw dropping surprise. It touches on so many elements of the story, it almost warrants an immediate re-watching of the movie.

Fenster: They treat me like a criminal. I'll end up a criminal.
Hockney: You are a criminal.
Fenster: Why you gotta go and do that? I'm trying to make a point.

4) Confidence (2003)

Edward Burns, Dustin Hoffman, Rachel Weisz, Andy Garcia, Paul Giamatti

Directed by James Foley. I've never heard much about the guy. Apparently he directed Perfect Stranger with Halle Berry and Bruce Willis, except that was an awful movie and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Very stylized. Confidence is easily one of my Top 10 movies, and could even break the Top 5, depending on my mood. The chemistry of the actors is outstanding for the most part, the scenes flow really smoothly into one another, and the allusions to things are top notch, particularly the references to luck and superstition. The reason this isn't rated higher is that some of the lines by the secondary characters (Lupus, for example) are pretty weak, though it could be the fault of the actor and not the writer.

Jake: Now you're an accomplice to murder. Everything you thought you had control of has gone out the window or is currently dripping down your leg.

5) Thank You For Smoking (2005)

Aaron Eckhart, Katie Holmes, J. K. Simmons, William H. Macy

Written and directed by Jason Reitman, who is currently enjoying all kinds of success from Juno, starring Ellen Page and Michael Cera. Haven't seen it yet, but I've heard nothing but good things. One of these days maybe.

Back to sharp dialogue. This movie has it in tonnes. The movie follows an extremely smooth spokesperson for the tobacco companies, so it makes sense for it to be one long really convincing argument. Not that it will convince you to smoke or anything. Satirical humor at it's best. He spins cigarettes in a favorable light but problems arise when he begins to wonder what kind of example he's setting for his son... he has an epiphany sort of moment... what more can I say? The plot flows quickly and easily. Go see it, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Joey: ...but you didn't prove that vanilla was the best...
Nick: I didn't have to. I proved that you're wrong, and if you're wrong I'm right.
Joey: But you still didn't convince me
Nick: It's that I'm not after you. I'm after them. ***Points into the crowd***

** Honorable Mentions **

Fight Club (1999) - Another movie that needs to be part of this conversation. I wouldn't put it higher than any of these, but the writing is excellent. Chuck Palahniuk outdid himself with the book, and David Fincher did an outstanding job bringing it to the screen.

Layer Cake (2004) - The third in Guy Ritchie's Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels/Snatch series, or at least I thought it was... apparently, he was slated to direct, but had to drop out because of prior engagements. It ended up being directed by Matthew Vaughn, who actually did a really great job, considering it was his first. Very fast paced, good chemistry, great storyline. Doesn't belong in the top 5.

New direction

I think the problem with blogs (both writing and reading) is that so many of them are so unfocused, and while random observations are entertaining, they're just that: random. So while thinking about how to better my blog, and make it more coherent and more easily updatable, I began thinking about what my expertise is. And while I can easily talk about football or classical history, I know it's not interesting to everyone. That being said, the only other thing I can think of that I can readily talk about (with the exception of MAYBE stand-up comedians) is movies, and to a lesser extent, TV.

So movies. That's my decision. You're stuck with it.

Something about Dale being lame

Yes, it is so true. That's why it's funny. True, hence funny.

WAAAAY better than Detroit vs Dallas

Wow. Have to say, season 2 of Gladiators looks pretty sick. The season premiere was tonight, and it did not disappoint in the slightest. They opened with two of the new events, including Rocket Ball or Rocket Blast or some lame name that doesn't nearly describe the awesomeness of the actual event. Essentially, each of the contestants and two of the gladiators have bungee cords attached to their packs, and when they press a button, they get rocketed up to two baskets suspended in the air. The contestants try to throw balls into the baskets while the gladiators do their best to stop them. The second new event shown, while not nearly as cool, was notable for one reason: it marked the debut of Phoenix. Oh. My. God.



I don't have words for how impressive she was. I was watching it with my brother and a couple of his friends, and I'm pretty sure all our jaws were on the floor. She shut out both of the contestants in the new event, even slowing down to taunt one of them. And it wasn't the normal shitty taunting either, it was actually pretty entertaining.

More on this tomorrow.