Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Take 2

Alright, I'd been putting off making a review of this movie, but I guess I can't run from it forever. I think the biggest thing for me was the disappointment. Like I said before, any movie that is part of a trilogy, particularly a classic trilogy like Indiana Jones, you're going to have certain expectations. Going in, my expectations were that in order for everyone to sign off on this project, you'd need a pretty solid idea for a movie, something to really close out the series. Harrison Ford, Steven Spielberg, I mean, these guys wouldn't agree to make a movie that would tarnish the image of the first three, right? Haha... wrong.

Julie (the aforementioned Scott's girlfriend) said it best when she said that George Lucas lost his mind. I won't go into too much detail for those readers who haven't seen it, but man, he really went off the deep end. In a conversation I had with her, we decided that George Lucas can make pretty solid trilogies. The problem lies in the years after the trilogies comes out, when he's sitting counting his money, and all of a sudden it comes to him: with such a huge fan base, it doesn't matter what he does to the franchises, it'll still attract viewers! For shame.

I've heard a lot of complaints about the computer graphics in this one. I'd say the biggest thing with this is that a large portion of the movie is clearly shot in front of a green screen, giving it an almost Sin City/300 type atmosphere. There is also a large number of computer generated animals, including gophers and monkeys. My favorite story to come out of this movie is that when the movie opens to a shot of a CG gopher, someone in one theater shouted "Goddamn you George Lucas!!" While I'll admit this movie has a ridiculous amount of CG in it, this is the 21st century, and it's becoming the norm. King Kong, The Return of the King, Transformers, and The Incredible Hulk all rely on CG to bring the story to life. And please.... there are bigger problems with this movie.

I.E. Shia Labeouf's character. The Fonz? Really? I get that it's the 50's, but that was ridiculous. To ruin the suspense, it turns out that he is Indy's son. This shouldn't come as a huge surprise, as he talks about Indy knowing his mother like the second scene that they're in together. They even showed Marion (as reprised by Karen Allen) in the movie trailer! There are other subtler hints as well, including that both Indy and "Mutt" are named after dogs. Both Shia Labeouf's character and Marion are useless, added for nostalgic purposes. Personally, I think the film would've been better without them, although Lucas would've had to find a new way to convey the importance of staying in school.

On the subject of characters, what was with the Russians? First of all, Cate Blanchett, what are you doing in this movie? I didn't buy your performance for a second. Second, I completely understand Scott's argument. When Indy was fighting the Nazis, it made sense, because the Nazis actually had party members looking into the supernatural. Nothing happened like that with the KGB. George Lucas just made it up.

That's the great thing about movies though, you can take certain creative licenses. Like when you want your main character to survive a nuclear blast by flying through the air in a refrigerator, you just need an establishing shot of the label showing that the refrigerator is made out of lead. There! Totally reasonable now!

Believability is the one thing that killed this movie for me. I mean, the nuclear blast was one thing, but when you actually watch this movie, (which I wouldn't recommend doing if you have to pay for it) lots of important plot events are really far fetched. Indiana Jones is meant to be kind of campy, especially in The Last Crusade, but this just took it a little too far. Had it not been an Indiana Jones movie, I might've enjoyed it a little more. But, like I said, I think the biggest thing for me was the disappointment.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

So I haven't seen Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull yet... and quite frankly, I'm surprised. With all the hype that sequels and big blockbuster movies get these days, with midnight releases and crazy long line-ups, you'd think that the sequel to a George Lucas movie as big as Indiana Jones would be pumped up like crazy. Not to mention that it's been almost twenty years since the last one.

In the week since its come out, I've heard mixed reviews from friends. I don't even bother checking the paper anymore, its a joke. I've heard from Kyle that his parents enjoyed it, but he warned that his parents are easily impressed and don't make it out to the theatre very often. Belle said it was excellent, but she could be biased by her fondness for Shia LaBeouf.

The most interesting review I heard was from my brother Scott, who went to see it with his girlfriend. In his words, the acting was all excellent, particularly Harrison Ford. They tried to get him to act more like Sean Connery (his father in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade), which I think is a solid idea. Shia LaBeouf also holds his own, although Scott said it seemed like he had a hard part trying to fit the era. I've also been told the Russians were an interesting choice, but he wouldn't elaborate.

In other news, I convinced a friend of mine that Speed Racer has the potential to be a sweet movie, and he actually went and saw it. And it sounded like it wasn't half bad either. The Wachowski Siblings don't mess around.

Top 5 Movies with Best Writing

For the first movies style post, I'm going to start with the Top 5* movies with the smartest writing. Criteria is based heavily on dialogue, as well as order of scenes and ability to connect/set up/foreshadow/play off various scenes. Points also go to allusion and symbolism.

1) Lucky Number Slevin (2006)

Bruce Willis, Josh Hartnett, Lucy Liu, Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley, Stanley Tucci

Directed by Paul McGuigan, whose only notable movies are Wicker Park, also starring Josh Hartnett, and The Reckoning, starring Paul Bettany (of A Knight's Tale, Wimbledon fame) and Willem Dafoe. Haven't heard anything about Wicker Park, but it looked reasonably entertaining, and I was really psyched about The Reckoning coming out, but it had a very limited release and have yet to see it.

Lucky Number Slevin is a ridiculously well written movie, with a really fast pace and the dialogue between the characters is A++. The chemistry between the characters has a lot to do with it, but I've seen enough disappointing Josh Hartnett/Lucy Liu/Bruce Willis movies to know that it takes more than just working well together. The writing is so sharp that the actors can even get away with crazy obscure lines.

Lindsey: What are you going to tell him?
Slevin: I'm gonna say the same thing any man with two penises says when his tailor asks him if he dresses to the right or left.
Lindsey: What?
[cuts to Boss's penthouse]
Slevin: Yes.

2) Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)

Robert Downey Jr., Val Kilmer, Michelle Moynaghan

Written by Shane Black, same writer as any of the Lethal Weapon movies, Long Kiss Goodnight, and Last Boy Scout. This also marks his directorial debut. Not a huge release, but well received by pretty much everyone.

Like Lucky Number Slevin before it, it's a film noir. Something about this type of genre brings out the best writing. Admittedly, they have to work harder than in romantic comedies. The dialogue in this movie also feeds off the chemistry of the main characters, but it's ability to set up scenes is what really sets this one apart. The narration by Robert Downey Jr. is fantastic, particularly in the scenes where he explicitly says, "this is why this scene is in the movie."

Harry: And that's how she got to the same party as me. Oh shit. I skipped something. Damn it. This whole robot bit. I made a big deal, then I like totally forgot. Fuck, this is bad narrating. Like my dad telling a joke. "Oh, wait back up. I forgot to tell you the cowboy rode a blue horse." Fuck. Anyway, I don't know if you want to see it now, but here's the fucking robot stuff for your viewing pleasure. Can I say "fuck" more?

3) Usual Suspects (1995)

Kevin Spacey, Kevin Pollak, Gabriel Byrne, Benicio Del Toro

Directed by Bryan Singer, whose epitaph will probably read, "Here lies Bryan Singer, who should've quit making super hero movies after leaving the X-men trilogy to do Superman." Yeah, that sounds about right.

Older than the first two, but extremely well done. The dialogue doesn't have the same fast pace as the first two, but honestly, I don't know how you could leave this movie out of this conversation. The writing is fantastic, and the end is a huge surprise to anyone who hasn't seen it. Like jaw dropping surprise. It touches on so many elements of the story, it almost warrants an immediate re-watching of the movie.

Fenster: They treat me like a criminal. I'll end up a criminal.
Hockney: You are a criminal.
Fenster: Why you gotta go and do that? I'm trying to make a point.

4) Confidence (2003)

Edward Burns, Dustin Hoffman, Rachel Weisz, Andy Garcia, Paul Giamatti

Directed by James Foley. I've never heard much about the guy. Apparently he directed Perfect Stranger with Halle Berry and Bruce Willis, except that was an awful movie and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

Very stylized. Confidence is easily one of my Top 10 movies, and could even break the Top 5, depending on my mood. The chemistry of the actors is outstanding for the most part, the scenes flow really smoothly into one another, and the allusions to things are top notch, particularly the references to luck and superstition. The reason this isn't rated higher is that some of the lines by the secondary characters (Lupus, for example) are pretty weak, though it could be the fault of the actor and not the writer.

Jake: Now you're an accomplice to murder. Everything you thought you had control of has gone out the window or is currently dripping down your leg.

5) Thank You For Smoking (2005)

Aaron Eckhart, Katie Holmes, J. K. Simmons, William H. Macy

Written and directed by Jason Reitman, who is currently enjoying all kinds of success from Juno, starring Ellen Page and Michael Cera. Haven't seen it yet, but I've heard nothing but good things. One of these days maybe.

Back to sharp dialogue. This movie has it in tonnes. The movie follows an extremely smooth spokesperson for the tobacco companies, so it makes sense for it to be one long really convincing argument. Not that it will convince you to smoke or anything. Satirical humor at it's best. He spins cigarettes in a favorable light but problems arise when he begins to wonder what kind of example he's setting for his son... he has an epiphany sort of moment... what more can I say? The plot flows quickly and easily. Go see it, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Joey: ...but you didn't prove that vanilla was the best...
Nick: I didn't have to. I proved that you're wrong, and if you're wrong I'm right.
Joey: But you still didn't convince me
Nick: It's that I'm not after you. I'm after them. ***Points into the crowd***

** Honorable Mentions **

Fight Club (1999) - Another movie that needs to be part of this conversation. I wouldn't put it higher than any of these, but the writing is excellent. Chuck Palahniuk outdid himself with the book, and David Fincher did an outstanding job bringing it to the screen.

Layer Cake (2004) - The third in Guy Ritchie's Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels/Snatch series, or at least I thought it was... apparently, he was slated to direct, but had to drop out because of prior engagements. It ended up being directed by Matthew Vaughn, who actually did a really great job, considering it was his first. Very fast paced, good chemistry, great storyline. Doesn't belong in the top 5.

New direction

I think the problem with blogs (both writing and reading) is that so many of them are so unfocused, and while random observations are entertaining, they're just that: random. So while thinking about how to better my blog, and make it more coherent and more easily updatable, I began thinking about what my expertise is. And while I can easily talk about football or classical history, I know it's not interesting to everyone. That being said, the only other thing I can think of that I can readily talk about (with the exception of MAYBE stand-up comedians) is movies, and to a lesser extent, TV.

So movies. That's my decision. You're stuck with it.

Something about Dale being lame

Yes, it is so true. That's why it's funny. True, hence funny.

WAAAAY better than Detroit vs Dallas

Wow. Have to say, season 2 of Gladiators looks pretty sick. The season premiere was tonight, and it did not disappoint in the slightest. They opened with two of the new events, including Rocket Ball or Rocket Blast or some lame name that doesn't nearly describe the awesomeness of the actual event. Essentially, each of the contestants and two of the gladiators have bungee cords attached to their packs, and when they press a button, they get rocketed up to two baskets suspended in the air. The contestants try to throw balls into the baskets while the gladiators do their best to stop them. The second new event shown, while not nearly as cool, was notable for one reason: it marked the debut of Phoenix. Oh. My. God.



I don't have words for how impressive she was. I was watching it with my brother and a couple of his friends, and I'm pretty sure all our jaws were on the floor. She shut out both of the contestants in the new event, even slowing down to taunt one of them. And it wasn't the normal shitty taunting either, it was actually pretty entertaining.

More on this tomorrow.

Questions that will keep you up at night

Did you know that in Super Mario World, when you swim while carrying an item, it's the fastest you are able to swim in any Super Mario game? It's the equivalent of swimming with the Frog Suit in Super Mario Bros. 3, except you have way less control. Unless you're me. I have madd skillz at Super Mario World.



Some of you have already heard this, but Demolition Man is totally BA. It's got a pretty recognizable cast, highlighted by the leading guys, Stallone and Wesley Snipes. Denis Leary, Sandra Bullock, and Rob Schneider also make notable appearances. Rob Schneider is crazy young here too, back when he was still trying to be a serious actor (see: Beverly Hillbillies, Surf Ninjas). It's a weird combination of sci-fi, action, cop drama, and comedy, but definitely worth a viewing.

Suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked

Man, did the Rangers ever lose today. Going into the third period with a two goal lead, the Penguins gave up two goals in about three minutes. Tons of scoring chances in the third for both teams, and Lundqvist played an unreal game, even holding off the Pens during a 4 minute high-sticking penalty that started overtime. Hossa put one in off of a ridiculous pass from Crosby about 10 minutes into overtime. Unfortunately that means the two teams I'd like to do well, the Pens and the Flyers are playing each other in the East final, while Detroit and most likely Dallas, the two teams I don't want to do well, are playing each other in the West.

Why does it hurt?

Weekends approaching, but with school officially done, it feels kind of half hearted. Just as an example, it's approaching 3:30 a.m. Saturday morning as I write this, but this will be the fourth consecutive night I was up this late. Actually, I had meant to add a post yesterday around 1 when I got home from seeing Iron Man, but the internet was down. Instead of going to bed, I played some Battlefield 1942, watched two episodes of the Office and crashed around 3 in the morning. Wish I could tell you why, but I don't have an answer.

Wow, have to say Iron Man was pretty B.A. Not going to say too much about it, because I know not everyone has seen it. For those of you who haven't seen it, and enjoy any combination of Robert Downey Jr, super hero movies, and the Dude, then get off your ass. Seriously.

Did I eat it or did I rub it on my face?

Ugh... late night McDonald's run not treating me so well. I always think of the Jim Gaffigan sketch, where he's talking about hot pockets. "I've never eaten a hot pocket and then afterwards, been like 'I'm glad I ate that.' I'm always like, 'I'm gonna die...' "

I realize it's been a few posts since I mentioned South Park, and since it's already the end of the first half of season 12, this could be my last chance till October. All in all, I'd have to say B+. Solid B, for sure. I wasn't sold on the Britney Spears episode, but the 'Canada on Strike' and 'Super
Fun Time' were both pretty fantastic. I like the full circle on Mr/s. Garrison, though I'm a little disappointed that his new friend/mouse/penis didn't reprise the role in 'Super Fun Time'. I figured it was a return to the Mr. Hat days for sure.



I also have to say I'm pretty psyched for the upcoming movie season, what with 'Iron Man' coming this week, 'Speed Racer' the next, and 'The Dark Knight' shortly after that. 'Speed Racer' sounded lame, but after seeing the trailer, I'm pretty excited. For one, it's being done by the Wachowski Siblings, who, you might recall, also made 'The Matrix Trilogy' and 'V for Vendetta'. On a side note, I've been told that one of the Wachowskis had a sex change, so they're going by Siblings now.

P.S. Go Philly.

Totally worth it

I know my blog seems to be skewed towards the NFL, but with the draft this weekend, sue me. Pretty soon it will be the quiet part of the offseason, with nothing to look forward to until training camp starts and I die a little bit inside.

That being said, I have to say I really like the Allen signing. Before the draft, every mock draft I looked at had Derrick Harvey (considered one the best pass rushers in the draft) falling to the 17th spot where the Vikes took him. Instead, the Vikings felt that he wouldn't be around, so they traded their 17th pick, plus two third rounders to get him. Meanwhile, Jacksonville (who had a lot less draft picks) traded the 20th pick, plus two third rounders AND a fourth rounder to move up to the 8th spot in the draft so they could take Harvey. Seems to me that the Vikes gave up less to get a proven pass rusher, if not the best in the league, rather than take an unknown.

Dallas Stars are a bunch of jerks. I don't like the Sharks, but I'm sure cheering for them. And Philly. Go Philly!

How many prostitutes?

Flames are out of it. The playoffs I mean. Hockey. Personally, I'm kinda surprised they lasted this long. I don't follow hockey that closely, but for me, I remember the Flames from last year's playoffs where they were a bunch of goons riding on the coattails of Kippersoff. From the couple of games I watched this series, they seem to be the same kind of deal, although I have to give them credit. They played with a lot of heart in the 3rd period tonight, despite being down 5-2. Kind of a shame they couldn't have been playing like that in some of the other games.

In other news, Jared Allen signed with the Vikes today. I'm kind of at a loss... it was suggested that he would be paid close to Dwight Freeney money (6 year, $72 million contract with the Colts, with $30 million guaranteed) and traded for either a 1st round and 3rd round draft pick in this year's draft or the first rounders from the next two years. Not only did he sign a 6 year, $74 million dollar contract, with $31 million guaranteed (making him the highest paid defensive player in the league), but the Vikes gave up their 1st round pick and both their 3rd round picks in this year's draft. Wow...



On the other hand, you can only imagine the kind of damage that he'll do on the defensive line next to Pat and Kevin Williams. I know not everyone follows the Vikings religiously, but my basic point is that Pat and Kevin are the Vikes starting defensive tackles and the foundation of the best rush defense in the league, not to mention perennial Pro Bowlers. As Allen is a Pro Bowl defensive end himself, that would mean that 3 of the 4 guys on the defensive line will be Pro Bowlers. And that is a scary thought. So the question is, is it worth it?

I feel like there's something I'm forgetting...

Everythings funnier at 3...

Studying at 3 in the morning, I come across a message among my notes:

"He doesn't have a lot of answers today. He should guess, make something up. If I was teaching, I'd make stuff up."

One advantage of becoming a teacher is that your students take you at your word.

Four days after the story broke, Jared Allen is still a Kansas City Chief. The NFL has a rule in place that says a player can only visit a team for a period of 48 hours, forcing Allen to leave Minnesota earlier today (Sunday). Although he hasn't signed a contract, there are conflicting reports that the Vikes were close to both contract agreements with Allen and trade agreements with the Chiefs. However, now it sounds more like the Vikes are going to try to sign Allen to a poison pill contract after the draft, which would mean they'd be giving up their next 2 first round draft choices. It's an interesting choice, considering right now, the price would likely be the 17th pick in this year's draft, as well as a 2nd or maybe even 3rd round draft pick. The big difference is that if Allen makes the impact that the Vikes think/hope he will make, the first round draft picks will be late ones. I'm torn on the issue.

On a side note, I just joined a touch football team.

Nick keeps playing his damn harmonica

Sometime between destroying Nick at golf and destroying Nick at Street Fighter 2, I realized that I forgot to post my exciting news!

Jared Allen, recently of the Kansas City Chiefs, has been involved with contract talks with the Minnesota Vikes. As a die-hard Vikes fan, I have to say that's extremely good news, considering the extreme lack of a pass rush we had last season. Jared Allen registered 15.5 sacks last year, while Ray Edwards and Kenechi Udeze both tied for the Vikes sack leader with 5. Ray Edwards also had problems with steroid use, being suspended for 4 games, while Kenechi Udeze was recently diagnosed with leukemia. However, although Pro Football Talk . com just posted that his leukemia is already in remission, it remains unlikely that he'll return to the football field in 2008. With the addition of Jared Allen, as well as the additions of WR Bernard Berrian and S Madieu Williams, I believe that the Vikes will be a playoff caliber team. Skol Vikes.



P.S. Denver sucks. Cutler will never develop into a great quarterback, and coach Kevlar will be fired after this next mediocre season.

P.S.S. Baltimore also sucks. I'd tell you to draft a quarterback, but it won't help any. Ray Lewis is retired after this season, and with him, goes any chance of returning to your super bowl form in 2001.

Vipers? Lamborghinis? Nick's story isn't going anywhere

Hey guys, sorry for the lack of posts. Been busy with exams. Meh.

Been watching some more hockey. Man, Detroit is so lame. Won in overtime, on a beautiful breakaway and goal. Definitely earned it, but I still gotta say, damn nazi communists. Watched part of the Anaheim game, but decided to go drinking with Nick instead. Solid choice.



Disappointed with South Park last night. Well done, well written, but I don't know, didn't enjoy it as much as some of the other ones. More to follow. Nick's telling me it's my shot in drunken Wii golf.

So... come here often?

Second day of absolutely no news.

Actually, that's not true. Sens are officially out of the playoffs, losing their fourth game in a row to Crosby and the Pens. I missed the game, but caught the handshakes at the end. A matter of time, in my opinion. Now we can all get back to the important games, like Anaheim versus Dallas, and Philly versus Washington. Like Anaheim, hate Dallas. Philly, I'm only cheering for because of my fondness for Danny Briere. He's a cool guy.



Nashville-Detroit also played tonight, Nashville pulling off a huge win to tie the series 2-2. Good news for Preds fans, because the Red Wings are a tough team. I don't know if it's all the red, but I keep likening them to communists in my mind, circa like 25 years ago. If you don't watch out, they'll steal your children! Just kidding. But seriously.

New South Park comes out tonight. I've been very impressed with the last few South Park episodes, particularly the Canada on Strike episode playin on the WGA strike, and then last week where it dealt with the two subjects simultaneously, Mr/s Garrison on the one hand, and the shot at the Patriots/Lean on Me ripoff on the other. Seems like they've been trying to get back to their roots a bit, which is good news. Sometimes I feel like the pressure of making a controversial episode gets to them a bit and Matt and Trey churn out stuff like the Britney Spears episode. Well done guys.

Exordium

A blog? What am I going to do with a blog? It's almost like giving a dog tap dancing lessons... Almost.

As a heads up, I still haven't decided exactly what kind of blog this will be, so until I do, be warned it will probably be a bunch of disjointed and nonsensical comments, probably full of random quotes from a variety of TV shows, movies, and song lyrics.

Actually, that sounds pretty good.